I Choose Me

When I first started this blog, I was unsure about the tone of voice that I should write with. Should I be politically correct because this blog can be viewed by the public? Or should I write from the heart because this is, after all, MY blog?

It's a valid point that's ripe for an argument because how I behave online after office hours might reflect on who I am professionally. I know that there are companies that screen their candidates online. I do the same to most of my dates (which probably explains why I'm single, but that's a topic for another post).

If you have been reading this blog since the very beginning, you probably would notice how my earlier posts sounded a bit stilted and forced festive (to quote Stanford Blatch in the Sex and the City movie). I guess I was a bit heavy-handed with the Instgram treatment, mentally applying filters as I write because I wanted to please everyone who might be reading my blog.

It's a losing battle, trying to please your (imaginary) audience. Or anyone for the matter. So I decided to stop trying to be a people pleaser online. I decided to choose me :)

Of course there are topics that are off-limits, such as work. I also don't discuss yucky TMI stuff, as I think the Daily Mail and other salacious tabloids can do a better job at whetting your appetite if you're into that sort of thing. 

I've gradually been writing with a more open voice, and tonight I'd like to share some personal and embarrassing details. You might know them as dreams, goals, or affirmations. Whatever rocks your boat, baby.

Anyway, here goes:

As much as I love having a career (and I've been blessed to do so many things in such a short period), I do want to settle down one day. A husband, a home, maybe one or two kids, a white picket fence, and a job that allows me to work from home.

Here's the thing though. I've seen friends go through divorce, and that honestly scares the shit out of me. As for kids, I get agitated when I'm trapped in a confined space (like a late-night movie or a red eye flight) with a screaming, spoiled child. My friend Sue recently had a full moon party for her two-month old baby and I was terrified when she asked me to hold him, even when it was only for a few seconds so she could snap a photo of us together. Her son was very calm but I was so scared that I might accidentally drop him.

I am also not dating anyone at the moment. There was someone special for the last two months, but like many others before him, it turned out that he just wanted to be friends.

Friends. That..that word is the bane of every single girl's existence, especially if it comes out of a man they're crazy about. Short of strapping the poor man to a chair and holding a gun to his head to force a fake declaration of affection, there really wasn't anything that I could do to change his mind. 

I honestly couldn't breathe when he dropped the bomb. But as difficult as it is (I'm not made of cold marble, I do have feelings), I think the best thing to do is to quit him cold turkey until I can calmly communicate with him without silently fighting the urge to weep. This could take a thousand years so don't hold your breath.

Okay enough about the faux break-up. Let's move on.

When it comes to having a permanent home, you're looking at someone who moved six times in the past five years. I also spent nine years, from age 13 to 22, away from my family. First it was the five-year boarding school, then college for a year, followed by three years of uni. Home became a postal address I only use whenever I'm required to have snail mail sent to me.

These days whenever someone says the word home to me, my mind conjures an image of my rented apartment in PJ that I really loved. After renting a room for years, I finally decided to live alone and be the lady of my manor in the sky. The apartment was poorly maintained (my block usually had only one elevator working) and located in a ghetto with drug dealers and prostitutes walking freely, but it was the only apartment that I could afford in PJ. I hated the neighbourhood but I somehow managed to mentally block whatever's outside as soon as I step into my unit. My balcony overlooked the hill and on some days I didn't even have to turn on the fan because it was really breezy living on the 21st floor. 

I no longer have a home when I left for Sabah. It was one of the things that hit me the hardest: feeling displaced and away from everything that was familiar. I'm feeling better now, but I do miss home from time to time.

Here in Sabah I work literally just metres away from the coastline, which is one of my lifelong dreams (but in my head it was the Penang coastline instead of Sabah's, to be honest). I am renting a master room in a quiet neighbourhood just 5 kilometres away from my office. There are friends here who steal me for lunch, dinner and beach walks. I also discovered lovely eateries here that cater to a wide spectrum of cravings, from the world's best pumpkin soup in Sailor's Cafe to affordable range of Western dishes at Upperstar.

So what now?

I'm slowly going back into running, starting with brisk walks. I recently went to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital for a way over-due knee check-up. The doctor ruled out running for now, and recommended swimming and brisk walking. He actually laughed when Cher and I said we wanted to try Muay Thai, which was the main reason why I needed that check-up, as Muay Thai is pretty hard on your knees.

Last weekend I joined a 5 kilometre Fit Malaysia run. The run was poorly organised (think huge crowd and two bicycle lanes as our running track) but I managed to clock 12 minutes as my average lap time despite walking most of the time. My best lap time ever since I took up running was 10 minutes, which is not that fast because most fit runners can probably finish 5 kilometres in half an hour. But I'm happy with going back to 10 for now. 

I've also recently discovered yoga, from where else but YouTube. It's a great stress reliever because the poses stretch my tired limbs and also helps me to focus on my breathing. Let's hope I can keep it up as the poses might get more difficult as I progress.

It's 11 pm right now, which feels similar to 1 am in PJ. The sun is up around 6 am and full-force daylight greets you with a vengeance before 6.30 am. By 7 pm I would be dreaming of my bed because I have to wake up at daylight in order to catch the 7 am bus to work.

Will I ever settle down, get married, have kids and nest in a home with a white picket fence? Honestly, I don't know. The dating pool shrinks as years go by while strands of white hair keep announcing their presence to all and sundry. Marriage seems to be an epidemic amongst my peers but somehow it manages to skip me.

All I know is this: whatever happens, I choose to be happy :)

I choose me.

Good night!

The Geek Goddess

A Guide to Going Freelance Full-Time or Running Your Own Business From Home

When we said goodbye to 2013 and rang in 2014 (by we, I mean most of you, because I didn't even stay up that night zzzzzzzzzzz), I never thought my life would change so much this year.

One of the major changes was switching from being a full-time salaried copywriter to a full-time freelance writer and (struggling!) businesswoman.

Whenever I mention to new acquaintances what I do for a living, most of them would say I'm so lucky to work from home as my own boss. But honestly, being a full-time entrepreneur, like other careers, has its own ups and downs.

So for those of you who are interested to go solo career-wise, since I have done three months' worth of legwork, I hereby present for your benefit the pros and cons of being a full-time freelancer or a business owner working from home:

Photo credit: Google

PROS OF GOING FREELANCE FULL-TIME OR RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS FROM HOME

1. You have more control of your time.

- It's SO NICE to be able to run errands during normal office hours instead of having to apply for one day's leave from work like before.

2. No traffic congestion during your commute to and from work.

- It's just an easy stroll from your bedroom to your workspace.

3. No work dress code.

- You can even work in your PJs!

4. No office politics or gossip.

- Because the only staff in the office is you. Yay!

5. You think like a business owner instead of salaried staff.

- Because you're now running an empire enterprise. 

6. Hobbies and interests previously neglected are now getting some love.

- Being my own boss allows me a degree of freedom to attend any social events I like, even if it's done during office hours.

- I also get to try new recipes more frequently now since I work from home.

7. Savings!

- My commuting expenses are almost zero (I do have to meet clients from time to time) because I no longer drive to work daily, so I save on fuel, toll charges, and parking fees.

8. More sense of ownership and pride over your work.

- Since you're involved from A to Z (e.g. pitching your proposal, giving a quotation, and then producing the work), you will feel more invested in what you do.

CONS OF GOING FREELANCE FULL-TIME OR RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS FROM HOME

1. Loneliness.

- Unless you have housemates, you will feel pretty isolated from the human population.

2. Your brain will work non-stop!

- Because you work at home, your brain will think you're in work mode every goddamn waking hour.

3. Public holidays mean NOTHING.

- Since you pretty much can choose which day to rest from work, every day is a potential holiday.

4. Your home might not be the best work environment.

- Headphones and a kick-ass playlist come in handy if you have neighbours who renovate their apartments at ALL HOURS, or have demon children who scream ALL DAY.

5. No tangible work perks.

- You have to pony up your own contributions for EPF.

- If you're sick, try not to feel too much pain when you pay for your medical bills out of your own pocket.

6. No monthly salary.

- The uncertainty of my next pay cheque hit me the hardest because I do have financial commitments. 

- It gets even worse if your client has selective amnesia and decides to conveniently forget that they owe you money. T_T

7. Any rejection feels more personal than it should be, because you're more invested in your work.

- I had a client who wanted my company to provide corporate re-branding, corporate communications and digital marketing. 

- After a series of meetings, we worked hard to prepare a comprehensive proposal based on their needs.

- They were impressed by our pitch, and called for a quotation.

- In the end the client refused our proposal because they were only willing to pay 10% of the market rate. Unbelievable. 

8. More pressure

- You feel more pressure to succeed because you're running your own company. 

- If you don't have the tools to deal with this (e.g. a strong mind, good friends to cry to), it will break you.

I never regretted going into freelance mode full-time and starting a company. It's been a baptism of fire, really, and I am so happy that I can cross them off my bucket list. *shakes fist triumphantly*

However, in retrospect, there are things that I should have done before plunging into running my own enterprise, so let me save you some headache and list them below:

Photo credit: Google

WHAT TO DO BEFORE GOING FREELANCE FULL-TIME OR RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS FROM HOME

1. Minimise financial commitments.

- Pay off any debts you have, if possible. 

- Put off any major purchases or expenses.

2. Have enough savings to last for the first six months. 

- You're lucky to see a cent of profits during this time, but your bills must still be paid on time.

3. Network as much as possible - put feelers out there to get possible business leads.

- Some of the leads I got were from friends' word of mouth.

- People are more likely to hire you if they know you or know your referees, who can vouch for your skills and experience.

4. Get peer review for every client before agreeing to work for them.

- Avoid clients with a history of non-payment or difficulty to work with, especially the ones who change their minds every five seconds.

- Almost every freelancer I know has at least one bad client they swear they will never ever work for again. 

5. Undergo a short business course or attend a few seminars. 

- It's hard to transition from thinking like a salaried staff to thinking like a business owner, so a short course or seminars might help in kicking things off.

6. Get a dedicated business mentor, preferably someone in the same industry

I am very lucky to have friends who are freelancers and business owners, but none of them work in the same industry, so they might not know the common pitfalls. 

If you have any tips to add to my lists, feel free to submit them in the Comments section below! :)

The Geek Goddess