Across Dreamlands

Let me make a confession: I cannot write a poem to save my life. Nope. I may be brilliant at many things (some of which can be quite useless), but penning poetry is not one of them.

However, I do have friends blessed with the power of poetry. One of them, Lara, just self-published a collection of poems titled "Across Dreamlands". I've gotten my copy since a few days ago but have decided to save it for my weekend reading.

I also sent a copy of "Across Dreamlands" (Lara, if you ever read this, can I just say that your book's title is sooooooooooooooo cool? Hehe) to another poet friend of mine, Ksatriya. I've been horrible at remembering his birthday for the past few years now (it's in October...or November?) so I thought this year I'd get a headstart and send it to him before MY birthday hahaha. 

Anyway, if you're interested in getting a copy of "Across Dreamlands, you can get in touch with the poet herself on Twitter.

Another poet I'd like to mention here is Sara Bareilles. I know, I know..you probably know her as a singer-songwriter, but plenty of her songs are pure poetry.

Case in point: Cassiopeia. Lyrics below:

Come in close now it's time to tell the story

Long ago, and so many years before we

Ever were, ever dreamed we even could be

There was her and her very first heartbeat

All alone in a corner of the night sky

Spiral bones of a supernova starlight

Fell in love with another burning bright

She dreamed of a way to ignite she said

Tonight

Come on, come on collide

Break me to pieces I

I think you're just like heaven

Why, come on, come on collide

Let's see what a fire feels like

I bet it's just like heaven

Just like heaven

Just like heaven

Such a shame nowhere near even a near miss

Light years away from the hope of being sun-kissed

Anchored home in her interstellar sea but

Poor lonely Cassiopeia

So she sighs and she burns with desperation

Learns to cry over love of constellations

Then a spark from a star shooting too close

They both smiled "What a day to explode"

She said

Tonight

Come on, come on collide

Break me to pieces I

I think you're just like heaven

Why, come on, come on collide

Let's see what a fire feels like

I bet it's just like heaven

Just like heaven

Just like heaven

Long ago in a sky built before us

A supernova grew up to be stardust 

I've been on a space-ish kind of mood since Pluto sent us some selfies, so I've been watching Interstellar and Gravity all over again. I've always wanted to go to space, and even wrote "astronaut" on my residential school application form as my ambition. However, Dad erased it and asked me to write something more realistic. If I remember correctly, he said "Malaysia will never send an astronaut, let alone a female one". Twenty years later, his words still ring true (and no, Dr S. is NOT an astronaut).

Maybe one day I'll get to travel across dreamlands, take a selfie with Pluto, and send it to my Dad. 

Now wouldn't that be something?

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

What could have been my life:

1. Married at 20 before I even graduated to my university boyfriend and pregnant in the next month (because teenagers are horny). Ending up as a single mother in less than a year because he cheated on me with someone on campus.

2. Married at 24 to an abusive guy who absolutely refused to hold a job for longer than his breath and ending up being a cash cow for his clan.

3. Married at 28 to my best friend who was also a self-confessed polyamorist and living with racist in-laws who think I'm not worthy of their precious son because I'm from a different race. Oh, and probably will be divorced in a year as well when I catch him in bed with other women.

I don't like to relive the past but Marquis de Melancholia arrived unannounced and definitely uninvited recently, perhaps triggered by the fact that I am feeling a tad exhausted, physically and mentally lately. Waiter, a pitcher of margarita, pronto!

The sadist Marquis came to life when I recently squeezed a trip home in between work trips so I could spend some time with the fam. The first question that Grandma dearest asked me when I walked into the house was, "Did you bring anyone with you?".

-_____________-"

If all I ever wanted to achieve in life was marriage, I would have done it more than ten years ago (ok now you know exactly how old I am hahaha dammit).

But it wouldn't be right for me, not just because the men I dated in that period had questionable qualities, but also because I had some growing up to do.  

Even when I'm considerably grown up now (both mentally and physically..if I was a country singer you can call me Girth Brooks for my stubborn love handles), I still couldn't get married to a human being AND a job at the same time. 

However, I would consider marriage for purely legal reasons. Like getting a green card to Amurrica.

Ok just kidding.

There's more to life than taking a man's last name as yours.

Catch 32

Some time ago I decided that I probably would never have kids. Even before I made this decision I knew earlier on that if I ever wanted to have any offspring, it would be within a traditional family model: with two parents involved, because I don't think I can pull off single parenthood well. Since I am doing really well in the dating department (I honestly can't remember the last time I had a date and am actually relieved not to go through bad dates or be stood up on the first date any more), I probably will remain single and fabulous till I die. So I thought I'd cross off kids from the bucket list and move on with my life.

Till I gained a nephew, thanks to my brother. 

Now every time I visit my family, I try to spend every free moment babysitting the infant and then spamming every poor soul who's a close friend or colleague with photos of me holding him and grinning like an idiot. One of my colleagues even said he looks like me *beams proudly like an annoying auntie hahaha*

I'll be honest here: my nephew makes me long for motherhood. Maybe I've inhaled too much baby powder.

But I am in no position to raise a child at this moment, even if I do decide to adopt or go down the turkey baster route (eeeek). I am fully cognizant of the fact that I am neither financially nor mentally prepared to raise a child alone.

This dilemma over motherhood reminds me of a scene from Sex and the City's S06E15, aptly titled Catch 38, when Carrie (who was 38) said:

"....if I really wanted to have a baby, wouldn't I have tried to have one by now? I wanted to be a writer; I made myself a writer. I want a ridiculously extravagant pair of shoes; I find a way to buy them."

I don't exactly have a list of notable accomplishments like getting a PhD, discovering the cure to AIDS and saving orphans from a burning orphanage, but what I have achieved so far is pretty okay if I may say so myself. I wanted to be an educator, and I did that for a few years. I wanted to work for a global brand, and I did that with three brands. I wanted to be a copywriter in advertising, and I did that after getting rejected by so many ad agencies. Outside of work, I wanted to have a house with my name on the title, and I did that when I was 25.

My point is, if I really wanted something badly, I'd go all the way to get it.

So if I had really wanted a baby, wouldn't I already have one by now?

It's a Catch 32.