I don't believe in blind faith. If I'm supposed to believe in something, or that something exists, then it better comes packaged with irrefutable evidence and facts.
I know that absence of proof does not mean proof of absence, in which case it is actually an opportunity for us to do more research to find the truth.
Why am I bringing this up? Well, last night a new friend asked me about religion:
"Are you a Christian?"
"No."
"What about your dad? Is he a Christian?"
"Nope. He's actually not a fan of churches."
"What about your mum? Is she a Christian?"
"Oh yes she is. And she's REALLY religious."
"Then that makes you a Christian too."
Wait what? o_O
Last time I checked, Christianity was not included in my inheritance (actually, I have no inheritance. My parents aren't exactly the Vanderbilts of Borneo, but you get what I mean, no?).
I'm not an atheist. After years of soul-searching and tonnes of Catholic guilt, I've decided that I'm just an agnostic. What that means is that I can't tell you that God exists or not, because hey, I don't know.
Sometimes it seems ridiculous how some people like to out-religion each other. I won't mention examples here, but you can find them anywhere..except maybe not much in Sarawak and Sabah (because we're peace-loving hippie islanders bahahaha).
Not a fan of that wretched novel series, let alone the movie......but I am CRAZY about this song, which is featured in the soundtrack. It's one of those songs that you can listen to over and over and over again.
Of course, I abso-fucking-lutely love Ellie Goulding. Such a talented lass. And she runs too! :)
Aaaaaaaaaaanyway, yesterday (Saturday) I went on a long solo drive, covering 300 km on the following route:
It all began with a phone call at noon to my friend Pali:
"Dude, I'm itching for a scenic drive.Where can I go to that's not too far and I can return by 4pm?"
He suggested Tenom, a tiny town famous for its coffee, which is about two hours' away.
"The easiest route would be to go through Putatan, followed by Papar and Kimanis. Turn left at the Kimanis roundabout near the Sabah Oil and Gas Terminal and from then on it's just straight all the way to Tenom".
Of course, being an idiot with zero sense of direction adventurer, I took the longer route instead. Since I was already in Donggongon town in Penampang, I decided to just go to Tenom from there. Because...........reasons.
So that's how the ridiculously hilly roads of Tambunan got added into the itinerary and why I only got home at 8pm.
Manic March has been really taxing on me (and it's only been a week!) so it was either I drown myself in junk food while glueing myself to the telly or I drive to see new places instead. Pali was supposed to join me but bailed at the very last second because he had a booty call at noon surprise visitor as he was getting ready to leave the house. Hmph.
Driving long-distance amidst greenery dotted with villages (or in the case of Sabah, a Catholic church every five metres lol) is one of the nicest ways to relax. Maybe it's the Iban wanderlust in me that's responsible for this habit. Or maybe it's the bi-annual long drives to our longhouse for as long as I can remember, so much so that it's been ingrained in me. I guess you can take the girl out of Sarawak, but you can't take Sarawak and her instincts to travel out of her. I had wanted to be home before it got too dark so I only stopped at Tambunan, Tenom and Dimie Pedalaman Resort, Kimanis for quick pit stops to refuel etc. Didn't manage to stop at any of these local attractions:
Tambunan: Rafflesia Forest Reserve
Keningau: The Oath Stone
Tenom: Murut Cultural Centre
One of the highlights of this trip was experiencing my first gravity hill on the Keningau-Kimanis highway. I thought I was going downhill (which means that my car would roll faster on its own) but I experienced a decrease in speed instead because I was actually going UPHILL. It's a confusing optical illusion caused by the layouts of that stretch of road's surroundings.
The view in front of Dimie Pedalaman Resort, KM 16, Keningau-Kimanis Highway (supposedly the steepest highway in Malaysia).
I'm sorry that I didn't take many photos. It was an ad hoc trip so I didn't bring my digital camera with me (the built-in one in my Asus Zenfone 4 is a joke, save for the panorama function). On my way to Tenom, I did make a stop somewhere along on the quiet Tambunan road to take a photo of the undulating emerald peaks, but before I could snap a panoramic shot, I received a stupid phone call in which the caller just refused.to.hang.the.fuck.up. Then while on the phone, two men on a motorcycle arrived. Call it paranoia or self-preservation, but when I saw them stop a few metres away from me, I unceremoniously disconnected the call, ran as fast as I could towards my car (imagine a fat duck waddling on the side of the road if you will), and then locked myself in before driving off.
If there's one thing that I've learnt from travelling solo all these years, it's that you can never be too careful. Which explains why there's a baseball bat in my car.
But that's a story for another day.
♪ Love me like you do..love love love me like you do...♫
Dear soulmate, I have waited for you all my life. Maybe you don't exist, just like Santa (sorry, kids). Maybe you're bad at Google Maps and can't seem to find me. Maybe I should be sent to a loony bin for hallucinating writers. I have been actively searching for you for the past 12 years, and my well-meaning friends have been actively telling me that this is the wrong thing to do. That I should just let "it" happen. In my case, "it" and "nothing" seem interchangeable. And with friends like these, who needs a.......I kid, I kid. I do love my friends (in case any of them are reading this). Anyway, like everything else that I ever desired, I did my best to find you. I dated countless men, some who were downright terrible because at that time I didn't know any better about dating or even about myself. I've tried meeting men organically, bravely put up profiles on dating sites showing the thinner side of my face like Mariah Carey does (you're lovely, Mimi, but the jig is up). I even tried speed dating! By now I have enough dating experience under my faux leather belt that I could probably write a book about it and make plenty of simoleons ala JK Rowling. More than a decade has passed since the first time I gave my heart to a man. I know myself better now. Unlike before, I know I am loveworthy, and that I will not tolerate bullshit from anyone. It has been 12 long years and you still haven't appeared in my life. And yet my life is pretty awesome now. I sincerely think that I am actually the luckiest girl alive. I have all that matters; a roof over my head, enough meals a day, a job that kicks ass, family and friends...Maslow would say that I have done a good job fulfilling all of my needs. Speaking about needs, here's the thing: I don't need you. But I do want a great man to share a life with. My stupid sappy heart keeps believing that you exist, and that you are looking for me too, not because you need me, but because you want me in your life. Sometimes you appear in my dreams, and though in them I could never see your face, but I feel loved by you. I could feel the warmth radiating from you as if it was real and not just a dream. My optimistic brain tells me that you are smart, kind, strong, and patient. Every molecule in my body believes that you exist. So why aren't you here yet? I've asked myself that question many times and I could never answer it. Some people in my life ask me that question too. After 12 years, I am running out of jokes to gently brush them off instead of pushing them off a cliff so that the sharks below can have a happy meal. Maybe some things are meant to be mysteries. Maybe you don't exist and I am destined to be alone. Maybe for a millisecond I am just feeling a wee bit shitty about being single on that one awful day when the entire world seems hell bent on showing off that they have bloody soulmates. Well screw them. Understand this: while it would be good for you to finally turn up, if you don't, I will be fine. In fact, I will be more than just fine.
